So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
