So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
