You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm always down for nudity.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
