it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
