my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
