this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
