I smell stomach acid.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
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