I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
