it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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