This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
