As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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