Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
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