LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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