Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize