So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is my gift to your gina
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
