his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
