Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
