I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
