I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
