nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
