Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
