tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
