Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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