hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
