apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
