I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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