i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
