Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
