dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
