Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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