How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
