she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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