I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
