he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you had me at cake vodka
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
