Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
