im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
