Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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