I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
