you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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