Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My feet surprised me
Randomize
