I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
