I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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