Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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