I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
