please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize