i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
