omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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