based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
