Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
