actually, I'm a sock model
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
