My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
