i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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