I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
