im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
