I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
