If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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