I'm gonna have a badass scar
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
