I'm so fucking centered right now
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
