Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
