I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
