he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
