She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
