If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
