I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
