the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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