A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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