if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Fuck appropriateness.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
