The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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